Married Life
by Peaceouttalove
Summary: Kyman fluffiness! The adventures and misadventures Kyle and Cartman have when they get married.
1. Proposal

**Hello everybody! Here I am yet again with another Kyman fic. Don't ask about my messed up order, but this one is actually a sequel to Ginger and prequel to Not Me (which I will update ASAP, but like this one, I have a bunch of other projects I'm working on as well). Anyway, this story is mainly about the stuff that happens in Cartman and Kyle's life when they get married. Heads up, quoted from the little girl from Despicable Me, "It's so FLUFFY!" So if you don't like, shut up and hit the back arrow. If not, enjoy my Kyman fluffiness and feel free to review! Thanks. Oh and of course all ownership of South Park goes to the wonderful and awesome Trey Parker and Matt Stone.**

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Proposal (Kyle)

I woke up with Ginger on my head, and Eric _not_ by my side. That was odd (well, not the Ginger thing, but the Eric thing). I lifted the fluffy cat from my hair and started to rub her belly. "Have you seethat's fat ass around lately?" I asked her. The cat let out a meow and jumped out of my arms and into a big ball of red yarn that she literally brought with her everywhere. "That's what I thought." I said.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw that it was almost 9:30. "Shit!" I cried, "I'm late for work." I could've sworn that I set the alarm last night. Eric must've messed with it for some reason. Now it made sense that he was gone, he was probably at work. Odd as it was, I must've been the lazy irresponsible one this morning. I must've hit the snooze button or something while Eric actually got up and headed off to work. "The apocolypse is coming." I warend Ginger as I quickly got up.

Before I could get dressed, there was a knock on the door. "You up, Kahl?" "You're still here? I thought you'd be at work by now. Great now we're both gonna get fired." Eric came in carrying a tray with a bowl and spoon. "I called in for both of us. We're spending the day together now get back in bed." "Breakfast in bed? I'm certainly not you're mom and it's not Mother's Day. What's up, fat ass?" I said. "It'll all make sense, just get back in bed."

"OK, fine, but this is really-Wait why is there steam coming out of my fruit loop bowl?" We both knew that Eric was a much better cook than I was, but even I knew for a fact that cereal was never microwaved. "Because it's not fruit loops, it's alphabet soup." Eric said casually. OK, now I was scared. "Soup for breakfast? Are you sick or something?" "Just trust me and get in the bed." I rolled my eyes as I hopped back in bed.

I gasped as he put the tray on my lap. The letters of the alphabet soup spelled out, _'Kahl, _(Yeah, I know he spells my name the same way he pronounces it) _will you marry me' _and the dot of the i was covered up with a ring. I looked up at Eric to make sure this wasn't some kind of a joke. He looked like he was nervously waiting for my reaction. "Well, what do you say, Jew?" I didn't hesitate, "Yes!" I pulled him into a kiss.

Eric yanked my hand away from the soup bowl, "You should probably wait for it cool down before the take the ring." I laughed.

"I'm so happy you said yes." he whispered. "Why wouldn't I have?" "I don't know...Our past mostly." "Eric, I forgave you for all the shit you put my through when we were kids a long time ago, and I'm tell you now that I love you and nothing will ever change my answer...unless you make me wear a dress." Eric laughed and pulledhe in for another kiss. "Those words made me the happiest man in the world." he told me.

Proposal (Cartman)

It took me forever, but I finally managed to arrange the alphabet soup so that it spelled out the question. Although it seemed like a good idea at the time, I was starting to regret using the ring as the letter i in the word will. The soup was hot, so he might burn his hand while trying to get the ring. But I guess that wasn't as bad as him rejecting me.

"There's no going back now." I told myself as I walked to Kyle's room. I heard him mention something about the apocolypse right as I knocked on the door. Shit, if he wasn't still in bed the plan wouldn't work. "You up, Kahl?" I called. "You're still here? I thought you'd be at work by now. Great now we're both gonna get fired." I took that as a bad sign, but I went in anyway. Sure enough, he was trying toget ready for work. "I called in for both of us," I assured him, "We're spending the day together now get back in bed." "Breakfast in bed? I'm certainly not you're mom and it's not Mother's Day. What's up, fat ass?" Kyle asked. "It'll all make sense, just get back in bed." I replied.

"OK, fine, but this is really-Wait why is there steam coming out of my fruit loop bowl?" I figured that I would come clean with him, "Because it's not fruit loops, it's alphabet soup." I tried to make my voice sound as casual as possible. Kyle looked concerned, "Soup? For breakfast? Are you sick or something?" As cute as his worried face was, Kyle was kinda getting on my nerves, "Just trust me and get in the bed." Finally he listened.

I held in my breath as I placed the tray on Kyle's lap and waited. He looked up at me with a questioning look. "Well what do you say, Jew?" "Yes!" Kyle kissed me.

When we pulled apart, I let out a sigh of relief. Kyle suddenly pulled away from my embrace to get the ring. I stopped him, "You should probably wait for it cool down before you take the ring." He laughed.

"I'm so happy you said yes." I whispered. "Why wouldn't I have?" "I don't know...Our past mostly." "Eric, I forgave you for all the shit you put my through when we were kids a long time ago, and I'm tell you now that I love you and nothing will ever change my answer...unless you make me wear a dress." I laughed this time, and kissed him again. "Those words made me the happiest man in the world." I said.


	2. Bachelor Party

Bachelor Party (Kyle)

Stan was never a fan of me and Eric being together, but since he was my awesome Super Best Friend, he put up with us and agreed to our best man (with much convincing by me). I understood why he would feel this way. I mean we wanted to kill each other when we were kids and now...I looked down at the ring and grinned.

"Here we are." Stan pulled up at a bar. "Believe me, with Kenny's planning, Cartman's bachelor party will be a lot worse." I raised an eyebrow, "Gay strippers?" "Again, Kenny planned it, so probably just normal strippers, either way...it would've been disgusting. Luckily for you, we're just gonna drink do karoke, and play pinball, you know typical boring shit." I nodded.

Butters greeted us in the bar with a huge smile and bear hugs. "Congratulations, Kyle! I've never been more happy for you and Eric." "Thanks, Butters." "We rented this whole place out just for you, of course we also rented that other place down town out for Eric, but my parents would ground me if I told them 'bout that, so that's why I'm here with you." "As much as I appreciate this, I have to say I'm a little upset, how come Eric gets to have all the fun?" I joked. "Oh, well, um, I guess we could call up some strippers then?" Stan said awkwardly. "Dude, I was joking!"

Tweek Token and Kevin were inside waiting for me, watching some reruns of Terrance and Phillip. "Oh good, now that he's here we can finally get drunk!" Kevin said. Stan rolled his eyes as Tweek said something about coffee being just as good as beer.

A few minutes later we were drinking and laughing. "Say, Butters, aren't you gonna get something other than milk. I mean even Tweek ditched his coffee for some whiskey?" Token said. Butters shrugged, "I'll get grounded." It was probably the Manichevits talking, but I said, "Come on Butters, your 22 years old and rich from that stupid commercial you filmed, tell your parents to shut the fuck up and die or something!" "Gee, that's a little harsh, isn't it?"

I shrugged, "That's not half as bad as the kind of stuff I've said to my mom." "But you're not on speaking terms with her anymore." Token pointed out. "Well that's her fault. She practically forced me to move out. As if me being gay wasn't enough she thought because I wanted to be a scientist instead of a lawyer I was converting to Atheism and threw a fit." "Really?" Stan asked. I nodded.

"But was loosing her really worth it for someone who can't even pronounce your name right?" Stan said. I laughed, "Hell yes, and Eric's accent is on. Of the things I love about him. In fact it's sexy and really turns me on...Yo, bartender another round please!" "Is this you talking or the wine?" Kevin asked. "You tell me."

"Um, I think you've have enough to drink." Stan said. They all nodded. "Lighten up, it's my bachlor party, let's have some fun!" "My parents said that on my bachelor party, if I get drunk, I'll get grounded and won't be allowed to go to my own wedding and if I were allowed I'd just be there on what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life with a big 'ol hangover." Butters said. "Fuck your parents and fuck hangovers. I'm drinking!"

About three hours later, I found myself singing Taylor Swift's We are Never Getting Back Together with both of my middle fingers in the air. "You tell 'em Kyle!" Kevin shouted (I wasn't sure if it was sarcastic or not). Stan just had his head in his hand. Was the alcohol really making an ass out of me earlier like he said when I was...heck, it hurt my head when I tried to remember what I was doing. No, screw that, I was having too much fun to give a shit.

"OK, Kyle, party's over Butters is gonna drive us home since he's the only one who's sober." Stan said. "You sound sober, my funless BFFL." I tapped his nose playfully, only I wasn't sure why. "Just how much did you have to drink?" Token asked. "I don't know...not that much...I guess about..four glasses." "Four fucking glasses? Kyle the most you ever drank in your life was half a glass!" Stan cried. "Well there's a first time for everything."

"Butters, get him home before he passes out." "I'm not gonna pa-" I suddenly felt sick and vomited my guts out. That was pretty much all I remembered about my bachelor party.

Bachelor Party (Cartman)

"So you excited?" Kenny asked. "I don't know, you seem more excited than me and that kinda scares me." "OK, so I might abandon you to fuck a bitch in the back, but I promise you there's no strippers and or anyone who might try to flirt with you...except for me and that's how you know I've gotten too drunk." I rolled my eyes.

I was surprised to see that the place was pretty much empty except for Craig, Clyde, Jimmy, Timmy, and the bartender. "Hey, what gives where are all the strippers, and not babes and prostitutes?" Kenny shouted. "Did you pay for them?" Craig asked. "No, you know I can't afford anything, so we all put Butters in charge of both-Oh shit! I should've know. This party is gonna be gayer than a pink unicorn queef."

"Which one of you dumbasses put Butters in charge?" I said. "Well, when he filmed that commercial for I can't Believe it's not Butter last year he became richer than all of us put together, inclouding Token...and yet his parents still grounded him for doing it." Clyde said. "Rich or not, we all know that a blind shoelace is better at putting parties together than Butters." I said.

"But you've gotta feel bad for the gang over at Kyle's party, at least we don't have to listen to him telling us the dangers of drinking too much and how his parents will ground him if he drank." Clyde said. "That's true, I doubt they'll even drink a drop." Craig laughed. "Sucks for them." I said. "Timmy!" "Timmy's right, fellas, we should probably stop talking about how it sucks to not drink and drink." Jimmy said.

When we all had a drink our hand, Kenny said, "So, what are we supposed to do if there's no bitches 'round here?" "Hey, it's not like you can even afford a prostitute!" I laughed. "I don't know, I actually hear they're pretty cheap these days." Craig said. "But there's none here, so why are we talking about them?" Clyde said. Kenny sighed.

"Well, we can play pinball." Jimmy suggested. "Timmy, Timmy?" "Yeah, pinball is one of my favorite games, too." He and Timmy went running (well faster than they normally would go) towards the machine.

"We could do karoke." I said. "And listen to your horrible singing voice. I'd rather join Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb over there at retard machine." Kenny said. "Hey, ripping on the handicapped is my thing, poor boy!" "Ripping on _everyone _is your thing, fat ass." Craig said. "Shut up, Craig, we weren't talking to you!"

Before he could come back at me, Clyde came running from a room in the back, "Guys, they have a DVD player back there, with pornos!" "Oh thank God, we're saved!" Kenny cried.

So that was pretty muchAmy bachelor party. Not to diss anyone or anything, but I think it really sucked ass. Even strippers would be more exciting than that! Then again, with Butters there, Kyle's party would have been even worse (as in nobody got drunk).

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**Ironic huh? LOL. Stay tuned for their wedding!**


	3. Wedding

**This chapter is a little long. Enjoy!**

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Wedding (Kyle)

Butters was right, I did have a hangover and it was really bad. Maybe Stan was right, too. Now that I thought about it, I hated Taylor Swift, why the hell would I sing that song? Yup, once again my Super Best Friend was smarter than me (it happens).

Anyway, I don't remember how I got there, but I was in my bed with Ginger on my head and a note by my bedside. I instantly recognized Eric's bad handwriting. The letter was addressed to me. _Kahl- went out with Stan and Kinneh because they said I'm not supposed to see you because it's bad luck or some shit like the:( I heard about your party last night..Good luck with your hangover! ;) See you down the aisle. Love you so much. -Eric_

I pushed Ginger off my head and reached for my phone and dialed a number I hadn't called in years. _'Hello, you've reached the Brovfloski residence, if you'd like to talk to myself, Sheila, Ike, or K-' 'Do not say that kid's name, he's not mine!' 'And what if Kyle's trying to reach us, is that what you want him to hear?' 'At the tone please record your message'_ Ugh, that didn't sound good. Beep. "Um, hi," I mumbled awkwardly, "it's Kyle. I don't know if you know already, but I'm getting married, so come if you want. We sent you invitations a few months ago, but you didn't RSVP. Bye."

About a minute later my phone rang and my heart skipped a beat, "Mom, Dad?" "No, Kyle, it's me, Butters." "Oh, hi, Butters." "You sound good. I was just calling to check up on you after your whole...big night out." "Oh thanks, but I'm OK, just a little headache." "You sure?" "Yeah, I'm sure. I'll see you at the wedding." "OK, bye!"

I didn't remember much from last night, but what I did remember was Stan's words: _'Was loosing her really worth it?'_ I let a couple tears fall from my eyes. It wasn't like I didn't want to get back on speaking terms with Mom, I just-  
There was a knock on the door. It was Stan. "Hey, how are you feeling?" "Pretty good." "Pretty good won't cut it. Take an Advil or something, it's your happy day." "Thanks, Stan, I wish that-that-" I tried to complete my thought, but I couldn't. I wish that I was happy? No, I was happy. In fact never happier. I wish that...

Stan handed me a tissue, "If you're having cold feet, it's fine. If Cartman's as considerate to you as you say he is, then I'm he won't mind if you postpone and rethink things." "NO! What I was saying was that I wish that...my family would show." Stan's smile reappeared, "Oh, isn't that the best part? When I went with Kenny and Cartman this morning, we went to your place and guess what your dad said he was giving you away no matter what your mom said. He and Ike are coming." "Really?" "If it didn't turn you on so much, I'd say that I was seriously." I laughed and hugged my friend.

I might have a headache and a small lump in my throat, but right now I was happier than I've ever been.

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_Graduating a year early was both good and bad. Good in the pride I felt. Bad was the pressure I had to withhold, and people whispering, 'Hey look, there's that smart kid! He pisses me off. He's supposed to still be in his senior year in high school, and he makes me look like an idiot by outsmarting me in my class!' _  
_Either way it felt good to return to South Park for Christmas. My mom of course was still pissed that I didn't come home for Hanukkah, but it's not my fault Hanukkah landed super early this year and I was pretty much the only kid in the college that celebrated it. Of course she used that as an excuse to diss my career choice. Apparently it isn't just Christians who get defensive about Creationism vs the Big Bang and Evolution. _

_So when the first thing she did when I walked through the door was throw a star of David necklace around my neck and sent me to my room to read some Hebrew prayer books. It was like all those movies where they try to get the devil out of you only in reverse, instead of showering you with crosses and holy water you're showered with stars of David and kosher food. _  
_It only went downhill from there, Mom starts trying to set me up with some Jewish girl, pressuring me into telling her that I'm gay. 'Get out of my house!' 'What?' 'Get out! I don't want to see you ever again!' 'Sheila, aren't you being a little harsh?' my dad asked. 'No, forget it, Dad. I'll go.'_  
_With teary eyes I ran to Stark's Pond. I would never be good enough for her. _

_There was nothing I could do, except- I ripped off my clothes and jumped into the freezing cold water. Hypothermia here I come! About a second later when I'm freezing my ass off, I realize what a stupid mistake I made. Why would I try to kill myself? When I tried to swim back up, a block of ice blocked me. _  
_I was quickly loosing my senses ad the world became a dark blur...Until" a pair of arms dragged me out of the water. I gasped for air. 'Are you fucking crazy, Jew?' 'Cartman?' 'Why would you jump into Stark's Pond on Christmas Day, practically naked? You're the smartest person I know, Kahl, so you should know that's the best way to die.'_

_I looked up at the fat ass who saved me, who just complimented me, too. 'Why did you save me?' 'Because...because...I can't live without you.' I raised a frozen. eyebrow, 'Really?' 'I'm seriously, all the teasing, and shit I've done for you, it's because, I was icing to cover the fact that I love you.' 'Well, my life can't get that much worse, and I am gay, so I guess we could try going dating.' 'Oh, Kahl, you don't know what this means to me. Thank you so much.' He hugged me, and I had to admit it felt nice (maybe because I was so cold). 'For what?' 'Giving me a chance. I'll make you happy, I promise.'_

"Kyle, you OK?" "Huh?" I must've dozed off as my Super Best Friend drove me to Stark's Pond. We chose to have it there because it wasn't a church or temple (duh), and it was where we had our first date, and where-  
"Kyle, answer me!" Stan screamed. "Oh, sorry, I was just...I'm fine." "You sure?" "Absolutely." "Good, come on." I followed Stan to a makeshift aisle. My smile got even bigger when I saw Eric at the end.

A man suddenly cleared his throat. I turned and greeted my dad. Stan took his spot so that I could be walked down the aisle. "I'm proud of you, Kyle." he whispered. "Thanks, Dad." He turned to Eric, "Take care of him." "I will."

Believe it or not Mr. Garrison was going to wed us beach use he was closest to being an Atheist and gay. He got some legal license from the Internet. But it didn't really matter, official or not, Eric and I were going to bound together, till death do us part.

"You know I never thanked you for saving me." I said. "Don't thank me for that, I almost didn't give you the kidney, remember." "Oh yeah, but that wasn't what I was talking about. I was talking about here when I sort of asked you out." "Well that's how you thanked me." "Huh?" "You asked me out, that's how you thanked me." I never thought of it like that.

Before I knew it, we were taking vows, and Garrison said, "You may kiss the faggot." I would've chosen different wording, but like I said before it didn't really matter. What mattered was that I was happy and more excited for the life ahead of me rather than the honeymoon (in the Bahamas).

"You excited for the Bahamas?" Eric asked. "Mind reader, 'course I am." "Are you guys just gonna sit there like idiots and let Stan and Wendy hog the dance floor, or are you gonna dance?" Kenny said. "I would, but we all know Kahl can't dance." "I can too dance!" "He actually can," Kenny told a skeptic Eric, "Kevin put a video on YouTube of him singing and dancing to Taylor Swift last night."

My cheeks grew warm as Kenny brought the video up on his phone. "Drunk Jewish karaoke, really Kevin?" I said as I read the title. "Shh, just watch!" Kenny laughed. _'I'm telling you, I'm telling you, we are never ever ever ever getting back together...'_ "Well, that's the bet I've ever seen you dance and it still sucks!" Eric laughed.

Butters came over and grinned "I told you that alcohol was a bad idea. But if you wanna see real dancing you should check out my Gangnam Style." "No, I have the best Gangnam Style." Kenny declared. "Oh, we could do it together!" Kenny's grin grew perverted, "Then I'm on top." "Ew, no, not it as in _it_. It as in Gangnam Style, and if you want you can be on top with the elevator hump thing." "Deal."

"We should probably go before things get awkward." I said. "If you want, or we could stick around and show off that video to everyone and have some cake...well _I_ could have the cake because I don't want you going into a diabetic coma." Eric said. "Or we could arrive at the hotel in the Bahamas in a few hours and have time to fuck until the sun comes up." I suggested. "_That's_ always an options." "I'd thought you'd say that." Eric kissed my cheek, "Love you." "Love you, too."

Wedding (Cartman)

It felt like I had just fallen asleep next to Kyle (who was out cold by the time I got back), when there was a knock on the door. "You get it, Kahl." I moaned. He didn't respond. Lazy asshole. I got up and opened the door only to see Stan and Kenny.

"Is Kyle up yet?" Stan asked. "Nope, what do you want?" "Good, we're going out." "Why?" "Because it's bad luck for either one of you to see each other." "Fine, where are we going?" "Anywhere where Kyle isn't." Kenny said. "You know he's sleeping pretty soundly so I don't see why-Wait a minute, you bastards didn't drug him did you?" "No, he just had a lot to drink last night." Stan said.

He seemed to understand my skeptic look, "Why would I drug my Super Best Friend during his Bachelor party?" "I don't know, why did the chicken cross the road, because Butters planned a stupid ass party so you wanted to have a little fun with an innocent ginger." I spat. Stan pinched the bridge of his nose. "He's fine, fat ass, just leave a note and get dressed." Kenny said. "Fine, but if Kahl doesn't show up, I'll arrest you, and have his dad sue you to get some money out of it." "If it bothers you that much, I'll come back here and check up on him in a little bit, now go before he wakes up."

I scribbled a quick and corny note (with smiley faces and everything), and then got dressed. "So where are we going?" I asked. "I told you before anywhere where Kyle isn't." Kenny said. "Well he's not, here, so we're obviously there already." "Cheer up, fat ass, it's your wedding day." Stan said. "Sure doesn't feel like it."

"'Course it doesn't, If it were up to you and not Kyle or either of your parents...or should I say parent, the wedding would be at KFC." "Shut the fuck up, Kinneh! And it's not like Kahl's parents have a say. Last I heard from them, they didn't want anything to do with him." "You've gotta feel bad." Stan said. "Why? His mom kicked him out before we started dating. If it wasn't for that bitch, we probably wouldn't be together."  
Stan suddenly (and illegally I should add because I am a cop, *cough respect my authoritah, cough, cough*) veered the car around. "Now where are we going?" I asked.

"We're going to the Brovfloskis'." Well, at least I got a specific answer this time. "You do realize they'll shoot me if I walk through that door." "Isn't shooting people your job?" Kenny asked. I rolled my eyes. "I'm seriously, guys, why are we going here?" "To convince them to show up to the wedding, we're trying to help you fat ass, you should thank us." Stan said.

We were all surprised when Ike answered the door and not Mr. or Mrs. Brovfloski. "Oh, hey guys, what brings you here?" "We just wanna talk to your parents, you can listen if you want." Stan said. "Cool." He peered his head through the doorway, trying to see if anyone was behind us, "Is Kyle with you guys?"

"No, now are you going to let us in or are you just gonna stand there like a dumb ass." I said. "Cartman, be nice to the poor kid, he's gonna be your brother-in-law." Stan said. "No he's not, he's adopted." "But still freakishly smart, like the ret of the family" Ike bragged, "I'm graduating three years early, not just one...that is if Mom lets me go off to Harvard, I haven't told her I've been accepted yet."

"Ike, who's at the door?" Mrs. Brovfloski called. "Just some friends of Kyle, they wanna talk to you and Dad." There was an awkward pause, and then Mr. Brovfloski came downstairs. "Um, Sheila isn't in the mood to talk right now, but you can tell me whatever it is." "Well you know, Kyle's getting married and you didn't RSVP, so we were wondering if-" He cut Stan off, "Well, I was just going to take Ike to Bring your Child to Work day, so we should probably go." He gestured for us to follow him outside.

Once outside, he said in a lower voice, "I'm really happy for Kyle and wouldn't miss giving him away for the world no matter what Sheila has to say about it. He's still my son and I love him very much."

Mr. Brovfloski then turned to me, "It's great seeing you two together because I see the way Kyle looks at you. You make him happy and that's all that matters in the end. Thank you for making him happy and taking care of him." He awkwardly pulled me into a hug. "Um...sure thing, Mr. B." "You can call me Dad now, if you want."

I jumped away and ran back into the car as my heart sped up and tears began to spill from my eyes. He had definitely hit a nerve there. My mom's current boyfriend, Jonas, was the closest thing I had to a dad. Out of all of the guys, she'd been seeing him the longest (a few months), and he was by far the nicest out of them. But he never asked me to call him Dad. Kyle slipped the d word once, though. He treated both of us, as if we were his sons, and that's why he was my favorite out of all of my mom's boyfriends; he cared about us. He wasn't one of those douchebags that just wanted my mom for sex. Jonas actually loved me mom and me and all of my friends. I loved him back, but I never viewed him as my dad. I don't think I'd ever view anyone as my dad.

"You OK, dude?" Kenny asked. "Yeah, it's not like you've never seen me cry before." "Yeah, but the last time we saw you cry it was over something stupid like them being all out of fries when we visited the biggest McDonalds in the world." Stan said. "Oh yeah, I remember that," Kenny laughed, "man were you pissed, fat ass!" "Shut up, guys."

"Ken, you can take Cartman over to Stark's Pond to get ready, I'm gonna go check on Kyle." Stan said. "Sure thing, let's go." "You'd better not die on the way over." I said.

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_By the time I got into college, Kyle's old roommate had graduated, so I took his place. We had been dating for about a year. After I saved him from Stark's Pond, we just seemed to click and go perfectly together. It was like all of the fights in our past had completely melted away. Being with him was a complete dream come true. Although he never said those three special words to me, I knew he felt them. Sothere're was nothing to complain about._

_One day I retured to the dorm from one of my classes, only to find Kyle badly bruised and crying. It hurt seeing him like this. 'Kahl dafaq happened to you?' I was at his side in an instant. 'A group of seniors were pissed at me for making them look like dumbasses in front of the dean. So they-they-' 'Shhh, it's gonna be OK, I'm here now. Now come on I have a first aid kit inside.' _

_As I wrapped up his cuts and wounds, Kyle asked, 'What do you see in me?' 'What do you mean? You're smart and sexy and a really nice guy to be around.' 'Thanks, I really needed that.' _

_'So what do you see in me?' I decided to return the question. 'Well, I love how you're always there for me, and your sexy accent, and-Ow!' I dropped the soothing cream, 'Sorry, I should've warned you that the cream would burn at first.' 'It's OK, I should've expected it.' I nodded and continued to rub the cream onto his arm. _

_'You were saying?' 'Oh, right, well, there isn't much more to say. I just...love you. Everything about you. I love you, Eric.' I grinned, 'Love you, too, Kahl.'_

"Aren't you glad we went over there now?" Stan whispered, as he pulled me away from me memory, "Kyle looks so happy now that his dad and brother are here." "He sure does." I kept the fact that he looked damn hot, too, to myself.

"Take care of him." Mr. Brovfloski said. "I will." I assured him. "You know I neven thanked you for saving me." Kyle randomly said. Why now? Heck why ever? If I had loved him back then I wouldn't have been so hesitant to give him my kidney. "Don't thank me for that, I almost didn't give you the kidney, remember." "Oh yeah, but that wasn't what I was talking about. I was talking about here when I sort of asked you out." Kyle said. Now why was he thanking me for that saving, either. He technically already did by asking me out. The was greatest thing he ever did, besides saying yes to make this day happen. didn't seemed skeptic when I told him this.

Then we were taking vows, and I was giggling when Mr. Garrsion said, "You may now kiss the faggot." The fact that Kyle was a little upset with the wording made the kiss all the sweeter. Unfortunately we had to pull away too soon. "Save it for the honeymoon!" I heard someone shout.

"You excited for the Bahamas?" I asked. "Mind reader, 'course I am." Kyle laughed. "Are you guys just gonna sit there like idiots and let Stan and Wendy hog the dance floor, or are you gonna dance?" Kenny said. "I would, but we all know Kahl can't dance." "I can too dance!" "He actually can," Kenny told me, "Kevin put a video on YouTube of him singing and dancing to Taylor Swift last night."

Kenny pulled up the video on the phone. "Drunk Jewish karaoke, really Kevin?" Kyle said as je read the title. "Shh, just watch!" Kenny laughed. _'I'm telling you, I'm telling you, we are never ever ever ever getting back together...'_ "Well, that's the bet I've ever seen you dance and it still sucks!" I laughed.

Butters came over and grinned "I told you that alcohol was a bad idea. But if you wanna see real dancing you should check out my Gangnam Style." "No, I have the best Gangnam Style." Kenny declared. "Oh, we could do it together!" Kenny's grin grew perverted, "Then I'm on top." "Ew, no, not it as in _it_. It as in Gangnam Style, and if you want you can be on top with the elevator hump thing." "Deal."

We should probably go before things get awkward." Kyle said. "If you want, or we could stick around and show off that video to everyone and have some cake...well _I_ could have the cake because I don't want you going into a diabetic coma." I said. "Or we could arrive at the hotel in the Bahamas in a few hours and have time to fuck until the sun comes up." Kyle suggested. I grinned "_That's_ always an options." "I'd thought you'd say that." Whether he was being seriously or not, I wasnt going to let him get away with the comment without knowing. I kissed his cheek, "Love you." "Love you, too."


	4. Honeymoon

Honeymoon (Kyle)

Since he was a cop, Eric always had handcuffs on him, and since I was horny I always had condoms and lube on me. So, we spent the first night in the Bahamas having passionate sex that left us both breathless.

"Wow." I breathed. "I'll say." Eric said as he glanced at the clock 1:39. "Wanna call it a night?" AsI tired as I was, I really didn't want the night to end yet, but I ended up saying, "Sure." "OK, g'night." He reached for the lamp, almost forgetting something really important. "Wait, you didn't uncuff me yet." "Oh, right, sorry." Eric released my hands from the bedpost, and I shortly fell asleep in his arms.

* * *

"You almost ready, Kahl?" Eric called. "Almost, I can't seem to find my insulin. I don't know what I'll do if I forgot to pack it!" Unfortunately my diabetes never took a vacation. "I thought this might happen, so I packed a couple extra syringe thingies for you, it's in the top compartment of the first aid kit." "Thanks honey, I don't know what I would do without you." I planted a quick kiss on his cheek before we headed out.

The beach was beautiful, but what was even better was the hatching turtle nest (I unfortunately almost stepped in). "Awwwe, look at them, Eric, they're so cute! It sucks that more than 90% of them are gonna die."

"You are such a girl, Kahl, now come on, let's get to the water before all the minorities arrive." "Don't call me a girl, and how many times do I have to tell you not to diss off minorities, you racist dumb ass!" "Just cut off my balls, will you?" I rolled my eyes.

Before we could get to the ocean, some douchebag hopped in front of us and tried to sell us some overpriced washcloths with a picture of sea turtles on them. Of course, he did this all in Spanish, so Eric had no idea what he was saying. "Dafaq are you saying?" "He's trying to sell us one of those for thirty bucks...No gracious, señor." "Pero se libará de la maldiciòn de jengibre en el cabello." "Fuck you, there's no ginger curse, in my hair!" I shouted, I shoved my way past him. "Què? No hablo inglès!"

Eric laughed as we passed his confused face. "Did he really say that there's a ginger curse in your hair?" I nodded, "And that the wash cloth would get rid of it." "Shouldn't we buy it, then." "Now way dumb ass, he's just using propaganda." I laughed at how dumb he was. Don't ask me why, but in a way it was kinda cute, and believe it or not, constantly correcting him actually turned me on.

"Whatever, can we please go snorkeling now?" "Sure thing." I said as I set up my snorkel, and put on some more sunscreen. "Here, put some on." "But we already put sunscreen on before we left!" Eric whined. "Fine, but don't come crying to me when you go and get skin cancer."

Without giving him time to argue back, I hopped into the water. It was a little cold, but I didn't mind (coming from a town of ski hats and parkas, the cold didn't bother me that much). Eric didn't seem to mind either as he swam beside me.

As I took in the amazing site of the reefs and thousands of fish swimming through it, Eric was laughing himself silly at a random pineapple that had somehow formed beneath it. If my lungs wouldn't explode if I spoke, I would've said, "Expecting SpongeBob to come out and give you an autograph?" Of course all I could do was roll my eyes. I wondered how the pineapple got down here, anyway. Probably some stupid kid tried d to grow their very own cute, yellow sponge.

Speaking of fish cartoons, I found myself watching two clown fishing swimming in and out of a sea anemone. Oh what the hell, I might as well swoop down to Eric's level. I tapped his shoulder and showed him Nemo and Marlin, which got even more inaudible underwater laughter out of him. Of course he was stupid enough totouch the freaking anemone! I was quick to react, dragging Eric out of the water before he began to wince in pain.

"Come on, we need to get you to a hospital." "Why? It's just a little sting, it's no big deal." "No, some of those things are poisonous." "They are not! Nemo got thorough it just fine!" "You're not a fucking clown fish Eric, you could be seriously hurt right now." Oh God, my poor stubborn baby."Kahl, just calm down. I'm going to be fine, OK." "You won't be if you don't get medical help right now." I couldn't stop myself from crying. "All right, all right, I'll go to a hospital or something, just don't cry, OK, I hate seeing you sad."

* * *

I ran into the room the minute the doctor opened the door. "He's OK, right?" "Oh, yes, fortunately it the kind of anemone that serves no threat to humans, but it was smart to get medical help sometimes the sting of the non poisonous ones can be as severe as a jellyfish." He answered my next questions just by reading my worried face, "This one however was no big deal at all, in fact Eric's gonna be discharged in about ten minutes. You can seem him if you want." "Oh thank you."

"What did I tell you, Jew? I'm fine." "Shut up, fat ass, you really scared me! I thought that-" "Relax, it was no big deal. They didn't even give me a bandaid because the scar it so small."

"I know, I know, just promise me, you'll never do anything stupid like that ever again." "Only if you promise me the same." Eric pressed. "OK, I promise." "Good, then I promise, too. Now let's have makeup sex." I looked around, "Here? Now?" "Sure why the hell not?" I shrugged and hopped into the bed next to him.

Honeymoon (Cartman)

Because I was a cop, I always had a pair of handcuffs on me, and one of the many things I loved about Kyle was that he always had condoms and lube on him. So the night we arrived, we had the best sex I'd ever had.

"Wow." Kyle breathed. "I'll say." I replied. I glanced at the clock, hoping it wasn't too late. Unfortunately it was; 1:39. "Wanna call it a night?" "Sure." I could tell he was as upset as I was. "OK, g'night." I reached for the lamp, as Kyle stopped me, "Wait you didn't uncuff me yet." "Oh right, sorry." I freed him from the bedpost and felt embarrassed for forgetting. I was going to apologize again, but Kyle hadfallen fast asleep. I sighed and wrapped my arms around him like he was my tedd bear, eventually falling asleep, too.

* * *

"You almost ready, Kahl?" I called. "Almost, I can't seem to find my insulin. I don't know what I'll do if I forgot to pack it!" I sighed impatiently, "I thought this might happen, so I packed a couple extra syringe thingies for you, it's in the top compartment of the first aid kit." "Thanks honey, I don't know what I would do without you." Kyle planted a quick kiss on my cheek before we headed out.

The minute we get to the beach, Kyle points outa sea turtle nest and starts going crazy over it, like they're the cutest things in the world. They're turtles, not puppies...or me. "You are such a girl, Kahl, now come on, let's get to the water before all the minorities arrive." "Don't call me a girl, and how many times do I have to tell you not to diss off minorities, you racist dumb ass!" So even after the amazing sex last night, Kyle was still I his bitching mode. "Just cut off my balls, will you?"

And like I said before, a minority made it to the water before us. He shoved some crappy wash cloth in our face and started shoutingat us in Spanish. "Dafaq are you saying!" I shouted. "He's trying to sell us one of those for thirty bucks," Kyle explained, "No gracious, señor." The man was insistent, "Pero se libará de la maldiciòn de jengibre en el cabello." But Kyle seemed more pissed than he normally would with this foreign comment, "Fuck you, there's no ginger curse, in my hair!"

He pushed his way past him and I followed laughing at his confusedapace as he said something else in Spanish. "Did he really say that there's a ginger curse in your hair?" I asked. Kyle nodded, "And that the wash cloth would get rid of it." Hmmm, Kyle not as ginger...If I didn't like it, then I would get my old Kyle and my money back,"Shouldn't we buy it, then." "Now way dumb ass, he's just using propaganda." Kyle said rig before he started laughing. Wait was he laughing _at _me? I loved seeing him happy like this, but did he really have to laugh at me?

"Whatever can we please go snorkeling now?" I asked. "Sure thing." Kyle said as he put on his snorkel and (pointlessly) more sunscreen. "Here, put some on." "But we already put sunscreen on before we left!" I protested. "Fine, but don't come crying to me when you go and get skin cancer."

I felt a little upset when Kyle didn't take the argument any farther (our arguments usually ended in sex or extreme making out, plus he was super sexy when he was angry, so the whole thing kinda turned me on). Anyway, the next thing I know, we're in the water checking out some fish in the reefs. That was until I noticed a pineapple right beneath it. So SpongeBob was real. I knew it! And laughing underwater was possible, I knew that, too!

I was still getting over the pineapple, when Kyle tapped me to show me two clown fish going into that cool looking thing that Nemo (or I) could never pronounce. That was even better than SpongeBob! Nemo and Marlin poked their heads out of their home. I always wondered if those things were fluffy or hard (ha, ha, ha..._hard_!).

So, the minute I touched the thing, Kyle freaked out and dragged me back up to the surface. A minute later I felt a bursting and stinging pain in the finger I touched the clown fish's home with. Luckily it stopped when Kyle threw me onto the sand.

Come on, we need to get you to a hospital." What was he, crazy? Maybe back to the hotel to get my first aid kit, but not the hospital. "Why? It's just a little sting, it's no big deal." "No, some of those things are poisonous." "They are not! Nemo got thorough it just fine!" "You're not a fucking clown fish Eric, you could be seriously hurt right now." I could tell that Kyle was really freaking out and was on verge of tears, so I tried to talk him down, "Kahl, just calm down. I'm going to be fine, OK." "You won't be if you don't get medical help right now." That did it, his tears came, and I gave in, "All right, all right, I'll go to a hospital or something, just don't cry, OK, I hate seeing you sad."

* * *

The doctor just quickly examine my finger and said I was perfectly fine. "What did I tell you, Jew? I'm fine." "Shut up, fat ass, you really scared me! I thought that-" "Relax, it was no big deal. They didn't even give me a bandaid because the scar it so small." I showed him the almost invisible scratch on my finger.

I know, I know, just promise me, you'll never do anything stupid like that ever again." _That _was stupid? He did way stupider things in the past. Oh God, that would kill me, if Kyle got in a situation that was as deadly as he thought this one was. "Only if you promise me the same." I pressed. "OK, I promise." "Good, then I promise, too." Huh, I wondered if that counted as a fight, only one way to find out, "Now let's have makeup sex." Kyle looked around, "Here? Now?" "Sure why the hell not?" He shrugged and hopped into the bed next to me.


	5. Back to Work

**Hope you liked my undersea references in the last chapter. If you didn't already figure it out, I freaking love Nemo, I think he's adorable! I love everything Pixar has done, but Nemo and Monsters Inc are by far my favorites. Anyway, let's catch up on Eric and Kyle now that they've returned home from the honeymoon. And feel free to review while you're at it.**

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Back to Work (Kyle)

Most scientists in South Park didn't have enough money to get their own lab, equipment, fundings, and basic stuff you need, so shortly after college they changed their career choices. It was upsetting to Mephest to see so many young people quit and abandon their dreams, so he used some of his funding money to build a lab with different sections in each field of science. That was where I currently worked.

People called me Mephesto Junior or Mephesto's clone because of my constant crazy experiments and inability to stay in one section (or they calledme that because I was a genius I was always willing to accept that,too). Anyway, my job's pretty cool, it's like I work on the Big Bang Theory...only I have a pretty decent social IQ and know about pop culture.

"'Morning MJ(Mephesto Jr), welcome back!" Larry called to me. "Morning." "Good to see you again, Clone, what kind of chemicals are you gonna mix today?" Stu joked as he passed me. I got a few more comments like this as I reached the coffee machine.

"Hey, Kyle!" Mary and Carrie said insync. They were identical twins and were the only girls who worked here. Naturally they turned to me to spread some gossip around (because I'm gay). I pretended to be interested, but really just wanted to get back to intermolecular forces and quantum mechanics.

"How was the honeymoon?" Mary asked. "It was amazing, but it's good to be back." "Did you and Eric...you know?..." Carrie started and Mary finished, "Have a little _fun_?" Whenever anyone brought up my sex life, I always ended up blushing. "Oooh, look at those cheeks," Mary noted. "Red as his hair." Carrie added. "He must have something juicy to tell us." "Spill!"

"We didn't just have sex, you know. We went snorkeling and...You're right the sex was the highlight." I admitted. "Awwwe, just like Edward and Bella." Carie cooed "Except you didn't come back pregnant with a demon baby." Mary said. I shook my head, "How many times do I have to tell you guys, gays can't get pregnant, or their period, and not all of us like Twilight?" "We're just messing with you, Kyle." Mary said, "Yeah, and you're wrong about the Twilight thing," Carrie said, "and that's a proven fact." Mary added.

I rolled my eyes, grabbed my coffee, and managed to escape to my office. But before I headed in, I took note of the sign on the door. Where it should have said _Mr. Kyle Brovfloski, _it said _Mr. Kyle Cartman. _That son of a bitch!

Of course when I tried calling him, I got the machine, '_Hello__, you've reached Officer Cartman, I can't get to you because I'm out being a totally kewl and awesome cop. So respect my authoritah!...At the tone please record your message. Beep'_ "We agreed on no last name changes, you stupid asshole!" I think that got my point to him.

* * *

Back to Work (Cartman)

After helping Barbrady catch the chicken fucker, it pretty much sealed my fate of becoming his replacement as chief police when I grew up. Of course the other douchebags on the force just did nothing while I worked my ass off (and they called _me _fat!). But seriously they ripped on me worse than Kyle Stan and Kenny ever did!

The worst part was that when I threatened to fire them, they would just say that was the _head _of police's job, not the _chief, _(but if you ask me chief sounds like it has a lot more authoritah) or that they'd sue me or something. As if they could sue me, I had Kyle's dad on my side, and everyone knows Jewish lawyers kick ass. When I told them that, they would just make fun of my sexuality.

Anyway, on my first day back, I had to go check up on the chicken lover guy because apparently he just got released out of jail. Normally I would be off arresting people who committed _real_ crimes like murder or something, or posing as a guy who wanted oral sex from a prostitute in order to catch them, but today I was stuck to check up on this chicken loving hippy...Boring.

"Hello, sir, would you like to give your imagination the ride of its life in these magical books?" he asked gaily."Shut up, and respect my authoritah, bitch!" I spat. "You seem familiar, have we met?" "We can chitchat after I check the place for drugs...hippy." "Oh I've never done drugs because I can easily get high from reading." That sounded like high talk to me.

So once I checked everything clean, I asked, "Fuck any chickens lately?" "Oh no, you know I just did that to show that officer the joy of reading...Hey wait a minute, you're the kid that helped him...Eric, right?" I shoved my badge in his face, "That's officer Cartman, respect my authoritah!"

The dude totally ignored this, "How are your friends...Stan and Kenny, right?" "My friends are none of your buisness, now screw you I'm going home." "You know Kyle stops by here a lot." I stopped in my tracks, "He does?" "Yeah, silly kid loves those books full of scientific facts when I tell him the best way enjoy your magical reading experience is to read fiction." "Yup, that's Kahl all right, now screw you I'm going home."

"He really is something, isn't he?" I stopped again, "What the hell's that supposed to mean?" "Kyle." "Yeah, I got that, what about him?" "I don't know, I guess I just connect to other gingers. We just seem to have a thing...Of course he just takes his books and leaves without saying a word, but when I look imto those gorgeous green eyes...something just clicks..and...I can tell...he a real special person."

Dafaq? Was Kyle cheating on me, or did this guy just crazy and have a huge boner for him. Either way, I had to let him know, "FYI, Kahl is taken so fuck off!" And with that, I left for real.

* * *

**I know about the drug thing in Colorado, but let's just say that's they're still illegal for the sake of the story...mm'kay.**


	6. Storm

Storm (Kyle)

When Eric called me back, I expected it to be about the name on my door, instead he was ranting about me cheating on him. "Cheating on you? That's ridiculous. You're all I could ever ask for." "Oh yeah, then why did that guest the book bus say that you two had a thing going?" "A thing going? Ew! He must be higher something. I just drop in every week or so to rent and return some books on science for some basic research before I start my experiments. I never even talked to him...In fact he's only been there for a month because he just got out of jai or something."

Speaking of that, I needed to return a book that was I turned my car around, Eric went on and on about how the man said he thought my eyes were gorgeous and that he had no right to be looking into _his_ Jew's eyes. "Are you telling me that this man has had a secret crush on me?" I asked.

"Yes! And I don't want you going over there, Kahl." "Sucks 'cause I have a book to return." "Now?" "No, when I have to pay a fee of fifty bucks, yes now!" "But Kahl, the man wants to fuck you!" "Well, I don't want to fuck him, I want to fuck you. So stop whining and maybe I'll still be in the mood when I get back."

"Just promise you won't leave me." I could hear the pain in Eric's voice, adm instantly felt bad. "I would never leave you. I'm still your Jew and you're still my fatass, no matter what." "You swear?" "Cross my heart and hope to die." "Good, love you." "Love you, too."

"Oh, hi Kyle, good to see you again." the man said. "Good to see you, too, I came here to return this." I handed him the book. "Oh yes of course, you know Eric came by here earlier." "He did?" I pretneded to sound surprised. "Yup, he seems pretty into you." "He should be we're married." I lifted my hand, showing him my ring.

The man dropped the book, "WHAT?! How the hell could you do something like that?" Strange reaction from somebody we barely knew. Probably a homophobe or something. "You have a problem with gays or something?"

"No, I just...Come with me, I have to show you something." The man grabbed my arm and literally flung me into a room in the back that I hadn't noticed. His grip didn't Posen as he he turned on the light. I gasped and was too shocked to scream.

Every inch of the wall was covered with pictures of me and there were even more picture scattered around the floor. This was fucked up. He was some sorta stalker...or worse. Shuddering at the thought I looked around for an escape route. I had to get out of here. The man's grip on my arm got even tighter as he locked the door.

"We belong together, Kyle." "You're fucking crazy, let me go!" I cried. "Not until you give me what you want." "I have money, take my wallet if you have to, take whatever you want, just please let me go!"

When finally released his grip, I ran to the door and banged on it, screaming for help. The man suddenly pinned me against the wall. "Stop squirming, I think you'll enjoy this." He spat as he reached for my zipper. Shit, he was going to rape me.

_Bang, bang, bang! _Then, like a mircale, the door was kicked down. "Get your hands off of my Jew, hippy!" Eric had a gun to the man's head. I felt so relieved that I started crying.

After arresting the man, he was back by my side (where he belonged). "You OK?" "I think so. How did you find me?" "I followed you back here to make sure _that _didn't happen. I can't believe I missed that secret room behind the curtain when I searched the place, I'm sorry I didn't get to you sooner." "It's OK, honey, I'm just glad you got here when you did." I said.

"And I'm sorry I accused you of cheating on me." Eric sighed, "I should've known that-" "Eric, stop appologizing, you just saved my life...again!" I shouted. "So you're not mad?" "No, but if you want I can be so we can have some makeup sex." He grinned, "That sounds really good. Want a ride home?" "Sure."

The ride back home was pretty quiet but I wouldn't have it any other way. I was still freaked from almost getting raped, and Eric was still pissed at himself for not being able to save me faster. So, I think the silence was fitting. Of course on every red light and stop sign we would smile at each other and that kept thighs from growing awkward

We were almost home when a little black ball of fluff ran in front of the car. "Stop! You're gonna-" There was a bump and a loud whimper as Eric stopped his car. "Shit, dude you just ran over a puppy." I got out of the car to check on the poor creature.

"If you killed it, I'm gonna hate you forever." "Kahl, calm down, it's just a dog." "And if it were a cat?" "Well that's different." "Says those creepy cat people." "I am not a creepy cat person! I just happen to like them more than dogs."

I rolled my eyes and cradled the puppy in my arms as if it was a baby. "Oh thank God, it's breathing." "Good, can we go now?" "No, we need to take it to the vet, I think we passed a vet's office a couple miles down." "Fine, but you owe me for this." "I promise, we'll have fun tonight." And with that, we drove to the vet.

"Oh, there you are, Storm." the lady at the desk said, "Thank you boys the last thing this town needs is another stray running around. But Storm escaped right before we were about to put him down." "You were gonna put him down?" I cried. "Here we go, Ginger all over again." Eric said. I kicked him.

"Why would you wanna put Storm down?" "Nobody wants him because he's a mutt and people think he might be sick from all of the animal testing scientists have been doing on him." How awful! If I needed testing, I used myself and or lab rats (because they are not cute and tend to bite a lot). "Plus the whole dismal name thing." the lady added.

"I like the name. I think it's cool. Hi Storm." I told the pup as I petted him. He licked me. "Awwwe. Oh we can't let him get put down, Eric, I'm sure he and Ginger will get along fine." "No! The mutt's sick...and will probably shed." "Pleeaaasese, Storm and I belong together and look at him!" I shoved Storm in his face.

"Well, he's almost as cute as your begging face, which you know I can't resist." Eric bit his bottom lip reluctantly. "Please, please, please!" I pouted. "Oh all right!" "Oh thank, you, thank you, thank you!" I put Storm down so I could hug and kiss Eric.

* * *

Storm (Cartman)

I was glad when Kyle denied my accusation. "Cheating on you? That's ridiculous. You're all I could ever ask for." I still pressed him to make sure he wasn't lying,"Oh yeah, then why did that guest the book bus say that you two had a thing going?" "A thing going? Ew! He must be higher something. I just drop in every week or so to rent and return some books on science for some basic research before I start my experiments. I never even talked to him...In fact he's only been there for a month because he just got out of jail or something."

Yup that sounded right, except I found no drugs! "Kahl, you didn't hear what this man said. He said you were special and he loved looking into your gorgeous green eyes. The man has no right to be looking into _my_ Jew's eyes!" "Are you telling me that this man has had a secret crush on me?" he asked.

"Yes! And I don't want you going over there, Kahl." "Sucks 'cause I have a book to return." Was he crazy? "Now?" "No, when I have to pay a fee of fifty bucks, yes now!" Stupid Jew. "But Kahl, the man wants to fuck you!" "Well, I don't want to fuck him, I want to fuck you. So stop whining and maybe I'll still be in the mood when I get back." What if Kyle really was cheating on me?

"Just promise me you won't leave me." "I would never leave you. I'm still your Jew and you're still my fatass, no matter what." "You swear?" "Cross my heart and hope to die." I let a out a sigh of relief,"Good, love you." "Love you, too."

If Kyle was telling the truth, the NHL might be in trouble. I turned around and headed back to the mobile book shop and watched through the window. Everything seemed to be going normal, until Kyle showed the man his ring. Then he freaked and threw Kyle into a secret room that was hidden behind a curtain. Shit! Why hadn't I noticed that when I was searching the place? Whatever, Kyle need me now!

I ran to the secret door and prayed it wasn't locked. Unfortunately it was. I could hear Kyle screaming for help from the other side of the door. I shot the door a couple times before kicking it down. What I saw in the room will haunt me forever. The man had Kyle pinned against the wall and looked like he was about to rape him, but that wasn't the disturbing part. The disturbing part was that he had picture of Kyle all around the wall and scattered round the floor.

"Get your hands off of my Jew, hippy!" I shouted. Kyle started crying as I arrested the man. I returned to his side when I was done. "You OK?" "I think so. How did you find me?" "I followed you back here to make sure _that _didn't happen. I can't believe I missed that secret room behind the curtain when I searched the place, I'm sorry I didn't get to you sooner." I explained "It's OK, honey, I'm just glad you got here when you did." he said.

"And I'm sorry I accused you of cheating on me." I sighed, "I should've known that-" "Eric, stop appologizing, you just saved my life...again!" he shouted. "So you're not mad?" I asked. "No, but if you want I can be so we can have some makeup sex." I grinned, Kyle always knew the right thing to say. "That sounds really good. Want a ride home?" "Sure."

The ride home was quiet, but I didn't blame Kyle for not wanting to talk. I think we were both kind of freaked out over what happened. That still didn't stop us from smiLing at each other, though.

We were almost home when a little black ball of fluff ran in front of the car. "Stop! You're gonna-" There was a bump and a loud whimper as I stopped the car. "Shit, dude you just ran over a puppy." Kyle got out of the car to check on the dog.

"If you killed it, I'm gonna hate you forever." Taht was a little harsh. "Kahl, calm down, it's just a dog." "And if it were a cat?" "Well that's different." "Says those creepy cat people." "I am not a creepy cat person! I just happen to like them more than dogs."

Kyle cradeled the dog in his arms like it was a baby. "Oh thank God, it's breathing." "Good, can we go now?" "No, we need to take it to the vet, I think we passed a vet's office a couple miles down." "Fine, but you owe me for this." "I promise, we'll have fun tonight." And with that, we drove to the vet.

"Oh, there you are, Storm." the lady at the desk said, "Thank you boys the last thing this town needs is another stray running around. But Storm escaped right before we were about to put him down." "You were gonna put him down?" Kylecried. "Here we go, Ginger all over again." I said. Kyle kicked me. What the hell was that for?

Why would you wanna put Storm down?" "Nobody wants him because he's a mutt and people think he might be sick from all of the animal testing scientists have been doing on him." Oh God, Kyle was always bragging about he didn't use dogs or monkeys when testing stuff...like I cared.

"Plus the whole dismal name thing." "I like the name. I think it's cool. Hi Storm." Kyletold the pup as I petted him. It licked him. "Awwwe. Oh we can't let him get put down, Eric, I'm sure he and Ginger will get along fine." I knew this would happen. "No! The mutt's sick...and will probably shed." "Pleeaaasese, Storm and I belong together and look at him!" He shoved the mutt in my face.

"Well, he's almost as cute as your begging face, which you know I can't resist." I bit my bottom lip reluctantly. "Please, please, please!" Kyle pouted. "Oh all right!" I finally "Oh thank, you, thank you, thank you!"

Kyle put Storm down so he could hug and kiss me. The makeup sex he kept talking about had better be good.


	7. In Sickness

**Sorry for the updating wait. In my opinion this chapter isn't really that good, it's really short and is more like a fluffy filler, but enjoy and review!**

* * *

In Sickness (Kyle)

I was right about Storm. He got along with Ginger just fine. In fact that was an understatement. The two were inseperable! Instead of on my head, Ginger now slept rig next to Storm. She was with him more than red yarn!

The two woke me up early one morning with their parking and meowing. "What is it, you two?" I asked as I yawned. "Why'd you have to wake me at four AM?" When I realized Eric wasn't by my side, I figured they were trying to tell me something. I followed the pets to the bathroom only to find Eric coughing and throwing up.

"You OK?" I asked. "Yeah, don't worry, go back to bed. I think I just have food poisoning or something." his voice sounded nasal (well more nasal than usual). Without giving him time to protest, I put my lips to Eric's forehead. Just what I thought, "I think you have fever." "No, I don't, I'm going back to bed."

"That's good, you need bed rest. When I get home from work tomorrow I'll make you some soup...Just stay in bed and drink lots of fuids." "I'm not staying in bed all day. I have to go to work, you have to-" My poorbaby started coughing before he could finish hIs sentence. "Shh! It'll be OK, I'll call in for you. Everybody gets sick, it's no big deal." "But-" "But nothing, now come back to bed."

* * *

"Honey, I'm home!" I know it's cliché, but it was what came out of my mouth, regardless. "I'm in bed!" Eric called. Well I was glad he took my advice, and he sounded a lot better so that was a good sign.

"How are you feeling?" "A lot better." I felt his forehead again, "You feel a lot better, too. Now stay here while I get you some soup." "OK, thanks, Kahl." "Anytime."

As I started preparing my soup, I began to sneeze. "Shit!" I knew I should have slept on the couch last night so I wouldn't catch any of Eric's germs.

In Sickness (Cartman)

I thought it was food poisoning when I started throwing up and coughing in the middle of the night. Of course the pets had to go and wake Kyle. He didn't deserve to losesleep over this.

"You OK?" he asked. "Yeah, don't worry, go back to bed. I just have food poisoning or something." He put his lips to my forehead, "I think you have a fever." "No I don't I'm going back to bed."

"That's good, you need bed rest. When I get home from work tomorrow I'll make you some soup...Just stay in bed and drink lots of fuids." Wait did he want me to stay home? No! "I'm not staying in bed all day. I have to go to work, you have to-" My coughing broke up what I was trying to say. Kyle looked concerned. "Shh! It'll be OK, I'll call in for you. Everybody gets sick, it's no big deal." "But-" "But nothing, now come back to bed."

* * *

I hated to admit it, but Kyle was right. I was sick, but I got better through bed rest and drinking water.

"Honey, I'm home!" Kyle called. "I'm in bed!" I told him. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "A lot better." He felt my forehead again, "You feel a lot better, too. Now stay here while I get you some soup." "OK, thanks, Kahl." "Anytime."

I heard him sneezing from the kitchen. Looks like he'll be the one skipping work tomorrow.


	8. Easter Eggs and Matzah

**Hi everyone. Sorry for the wait. I've been really busy, with holidays midterms and other fics. Spekaing of holidays I wanted to do a chapter in this story about the holidays, but now it's a little late, so even though it's a few months early, I'll give u the next best thing. Enjoy!**

Easter Eggs and Matzah (Kyle)

One major problem that we often faced was religous disputes. Luckily by now we had reached a happy medium. While I still remained Jewish and Eric Christian (not to mention still antisemetic), we still celebrated both holidays. So I guess that explained why on the 25th you'd find a Christmas trree and a menorah in our house. It really surpised me that Eric put up with Jewish holidays. Even if he did complain, it still made me smile. And I didn't dare complain when I decorated the Christmas tree, better yet, found myself under the misletoe.

Right now we were painting easter egg, but if you looked in our pantry you'd find that everything was kosher for Passover. "You ever go easter egg hunting?" Eric asked. I shook my head. "Really? That's like the whole fucking point of Easter." "Actually, it's the resurrection of Jesus." I pointed out. "What do you care it's not like you can kill him again." "Goddamn it, Eric! The Jews did not kill Jesus." He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off, "I don't care what the hell Mel Gibson said." "Man, Kahl, it's like you can read my mind or something." "Nah, you're just really predictable."

"Anyways, after we're done with this, how about I take you easter egg hunting?" "Sure thing, I've always wanted to try that Sooper Food's fun and safety thing." I said. Finding the middle matzah piece was always fun, but this would be a whole new experience.

I picked up my egg and continued to paint on it. "Really, Jew?" Eric laughed. "What? Haven't you ever seen the star of David before?" If I was painting easter eggs, I was gonna paint kosher easter eggs. "All right. I think we're done here. Let's go." Eric said.

I nodded and began to put the paints away. But before I could put the red paint away, Ginger made a jump for it, managing to cover her paws with it. I laughed, until she had then nerve to claw at my hair. "Ginger, no!" "It doesn't show, you're a Daywalker, remember." Eric laughed himself silly.

Reminding myself too much of the time we turned him "ginger" when we were kids, I spilled the rest of the red of pain container and Eric's head. Now it was _my _turn to laugh. "Not funny, dude!" "It is so! I'm gonna go take a shower, if you were smart, you'd join me." I winked.

* * *

"Check it out, I got one!" I put the egg in my basket. "What does that guy in the bunny suit give you when your basket's full?" I asked. "He replaces the normal eggs with chocolate eggs, and he's not a guy in a bunny suit, he's the Easter Bunny, get with the fucking program, Jew." I rolled my eyes and went for the next egg.

It really sucked that the chocolate eggs would put me in a diabetic coma, and would give Eric type two diabietes, but I was still having fun and wasn't that the whole point? "FUN AND SAFETY!" the guy in the bunny suit randomly shouted. Excuse me, I was being safe, too, and _that _was the whole point: fun and safety.

"See any Jewpacabras yet?" I joked. "Nope, just you." Eric laughed and placed a pair of bunny ears on my head. I threw them off, "I told you, I'm not wearing those. I'll look like a total fag." "Um Kahl hate to break it to you, but we have sex every night and you sang Taylor Swift, Taylor fucking Swift...that's makes you an offical fag..._my _fag." Eric kissed my cheek. "All right," I said, "I'll wear them, but only if you wear a pair, too!" "No way!" "Why not?" "Because you'll look cute in them, I won't. I'll just look stupid." Eric replied. "No you won't." I said and put a pair of bunny ears on both of us.

* * *

_Riing, riing! _"What do ya want? Uh-huh...Kahl, it's for you." Eric shoved the phone in my face. "Hello." "Hi, it's your cousin Kyle, I'm in town for Passover, and I heard that you were having a seder at one your friends from Jew Scouts' house?" "Um yeah, I would have it at my place, but my mom sorta kicked me out." "Oh, well, I was wondering if maybe I could stop by." "I guess so." "OK, good because I think your friend's place is closer to my hotel so I can save some cab money." "Dude you're a millionaire." I said. "And I didn't Get that way over night." Kyle replied. "Yes you did!" "Oh yeah, but I won't stay that way unless I save for a rainy day, anyway I'll see you. Bye."

I immediately called Arthur (he was the one hosting the seder). "Hey, Ky, what's up." "I just got a call from my cousin, apparently he's gonna show up to the seder." "OK, cool...Wait which cousin, if you say the one with the glasses that we used to make fun of, then I'm gonna have to kill you." "Um...Maybe he's changed?" "That's what you said when we all went to his bar mitzvah." "Oh come on. Give him a chance, he's family, and we have the same name." "Oh all right."

"Hey, Eric, remember when we were kids and my-" "If you want me to be nice to your stupid Jew cousin, you'll have to bribe me again." "Fine, what do you want?" "Well, do you know the story of Passover." "Of course I do." Where was he going with this? "So you know how the Jews were slaves." I nodded. "If you agree to be my slave for the next hour, I'll be nice to him." I grinned, "What kind of things will you have me do?" "Just bed work." "All right, I'll do it." "Good, now get your ass to our bed, that an order!"

* * *

"Ah come on, Eric you promised! I did my side of the bargain, now it's your turn." "I don't know, Jew. Last night was pretty fun, but you might as well cut off my balls if you want me to be nice to him."

When we sat down at the table I tried one last time, "He's related to me, I have his blood running through my veins." Eric ignored me. But luckily for me, he kept his word and was quiet for the rest of the night.

"I'm glad you behaved yourself, you should be rewarded." I said with a laugh. You could imagine what we did that night...

Easter Eggs and Matzah (Cartman)

Celebrating both Christian and Jewish holidays was pretty cool. Of course to keep up my ego, I would always bitch Kyle about having to put up with his Jewish customs. He could never know that if I was forced to convert to any religon, I'd chose Judaism. It was a really cool religon. But what was better was two religons at once. Nine days of Christmas! Can you imagine? Believe it or not my favorite part of Christmas/Hannukkah was not the presents, but the mistletoe. I would always purposely hang it over Kyle's head.

Anyway, now we were painting easter eggs. Funny how easter was one my favorite holidays because of the chocolate and marshmallow bunnies, but I found Passover really stupid. I mean why can't we just eat kosher bread...or challah as the Jews call it. If Kyle had to drag me over to a stupid seder, I had to take him easter egg hunting, I wondered if he had ever even gone easter egg hunting. No that was stupid, he must have.

"You ever go easter egg hunting?" He shook his head. "Really? That's like the whole fucking point of Easter!" "Actually it's the resurrection of Jesus." Now that got me mad. Why would the Jew tell me about Jesus? "What do you care it's not like you can kill him again." I said. "Goddamn it, Eric! The Jews did not kill Jesus!" Kyle shot back. I was about to argue about Mel Gibson, but he beat me to it, "I don't care what the hell Mel Gibson said!" "Man, Kahl, it's like you can read my mind." "Nah, you're just really predictable."

"Anyways, after we're done with this, how about I take you easter egg hunting?" I offereed. "Sure thing, I've always wanted to try that Sooper Food's fun and safety thing." Kyle replied.

He continued to paint the egg, but I realized that he was painting it to resemble the Israeli flag. "Really, Jew?" "What? Haven't you ever seen the star of David before?" I rolled my eyes, "All right I think we're done here, let's go."

Kyle nodded and began to put the paints away. But before he could put the red paint contianer away, Ginger made a jump for it, managing to cover her paws in it. She then clawed at Kyle's hair. "Ginger, no!" he cried. "It doesn't show, you'e a Daywalker, remember." I laughed.

OK, me laughing at him did not call for him spilling the rest of the paint conatiner on my head. "Not funny, dude!" I shouted. "It is so! I'm gonna tkae a shower, if you were smart, you'd join me." Kyle said with a wink.

* * *

Easter egg hunting was always fun, but I couldn't believe it was Kyle's first time. He had no idea what he was doing, and didn't even call him the easter bunny, he just called him some guy in a bunny suit. But I guess since he was having fun that was all them mattered. "FUN AND SAFETY!" the easter bunny randomly shouted. Oh right, well we were being safe, too.

"See any Jewpacabras yet?" Kyle joked. "Nope, just you." I laughed and put a pair of bunny ears on his head. He threw them off, "I told you, I'm not wearing those. I'll look like a total fag." "Um Kahl hate to break it to you, but we have sex every night and you sang Taylor Swift, Taylor fucking Swift...that's makes you an offical fag..._my _fag." I kissed his cheek. "All right," Kyle said, "I'll wear them, but only if you wear a pair, too!" "No way!" "Why not?" "Because you'll look cute in them, I won't. I'll just look stupid." I replied. "No you won't." Kyle said and put a pair of bunny ears on both of us.

* * *

_Riiing, riing. _I picked up the phone. "What do ya want?" "Hello, I'm not sure if you remember me. It's Kyle's cousin Kyle." "Uh-huh...Kahl it's for you." I gave him the phone. "Um yeah, I would have it at my place, but my mom sorta kicked me out." I knew Kyle was talking about the Seder. He normally went ot his firend Arthur's house (and had to drag me along).

"I guess so." Kyle said. Then he seemed shocked by his cousin's reply. He shouted back, "Dude you're a millionaire." Huh, I guess he must've said something greedy...Typical Jew.

When he was done with his cousin, Kyle dialed another number, "I just got a call from my cousin, apparently he's gonna show up to the seder." Oh, so that's what was going on. Arthur didn't seem too pleased about this because Kyle replied, "Um...Maybe he's changed?" "Oh come on. Give him a chance, he's family, and we have the same name." I think Arthur finally gave in when Kyle hung up.

He turned to me, "Hey, Eric, remember when we were kids and my-" "If you want me to be nice to your stupid Jew cousin, you'll have to bribe me again." "Fine, what do you want?" Hmmm...What did I want? Ohh, I got it-And I'd give it a Passover theme! "Well, do you know the story of Passover." "Of course I do."

"So you know how the Jews were slaves." Kyle nodded. "If you agree to be my slave for the next hour, I'll be nice to him." He grinned, "What kind of things will you have me do?" "Just bed work." "All right, I'll do it." "Good, now get your ass to our bed, that an order!"

* * *

To make things more intersting I prenteding that I wouldn't behave myself even though we had so much fun last night. It was so cool it see Kyle's face, when I actually kept my mouth shut.

When it was over he said with a laugh, "I'm glad you behaved yourself, you should be rewarded." You could imagine what we did that night...


	9. Role Reversal

**The second half of this is just another fluffy filler in my opinion. You can guess what it's about just from the title. Enjoy!**

Role Reversal (Kyle)

I was really starting to get used to the sign on my office door. Maybe I wouldn't keep bothering Eric to get rid of it. Either way he didn't listen to me. But now I needed to focus on my work. Today I decided to work with isotopes especially now that we had just gotten a new high powered microscope. I had been obsessed with the thing ever since we had gotten it earlier in the week.

"Hey, Ky." I looked up, "Oh, hey, Carrie, Mary." "Did you hear?" Mary asked. "Mephesto's real sick, and that's why we're getting all this new technology," Carrie said. "He wants to use up his money on this stuff because he no real kids to put in his will." Mary explained. "That's awful!" "Not for us." Carrie said. "Check out the new incubator, Stu said he reached abolute zero with it." Mary said. "Of course we don't believe him." Carrie added. "See ya!" they said insync and then left me.

They must've added the new incubator overnight. If it was as powerful as the twins said it was then maybe Stu really did...No, it was impossible...Or was it? Maybe just for a split milisecond I could...No, Stu had a reputation of exaggerating and lying ot make himself look like a big-shot. If I were to try to reach absolute zero, I'd just be wasting my time...Still, the incubator seemed to be there, mocking me. Oh what the hell! I'd just see how close I could get. The next thing I know, I'm freezing a stable lithium isotope.

"'Sup, Jew?" I jumped, "Ever hear of knocking, fat ass?" He shrugged, "The sign says Cartman." "Kyle Cartman, not Eric Cartman." I pointed out. "Whatever, your still a part of me." I turned back to the incubator, not wanting him to see me blushing.

"Things were pretty slow down at the station, so I wanted to see what you were up to." Eric said. "Well, I'm trying to see how close this isotope can get to absolute zero." I explained. "Isn't that the 9-11 site thing?" he asked. "No, not ground zero, dumbass, absolute zero." "Same thing, isn't it?"

"No! You know, I'm surprised you graduated highschool." I shouted. "You know, Kahl, my job gives me enough authoritah to put you in jail for saying that." "Trust me, knowing you, a couple heads later, and I'll be home free." Eric opened his mouth to argue back, but then just shut it again, "You win, Jew." "Glad to hear it." I said as I checked the temperature again.

"So is this that high-tech magnifying glass thing that you've been talking about?" Eric looked at the micropscope. "I guess you can call it that, but it's actually a microscope." I laughed. "I actually knew that." "Of course you did." I said sarcastically. "Am I allowed to look through it?" Eric asked. "Sure. You won't really see much, probably just hints of oxygen atoms, nothing that'll really interest you." I replied.

"Well, you know I have to at least _pretend _to be interested in this shit to keep you happy." Eric said. "And you were doing such a great job until you just said that." I said. "Aren't you happy?" he asked. "Yeah, I guess." "Then, I'm still doing a great job."

I turned back to the incibator. Call me obbsessed but I felt the need to keep checking the temperature every few minutes. Six degreese Celsius, same as three minutes ago, and not even close to absolute zero. So far I was right about Stu.

"It's broken, all I see is a bunch of tiny dots." Eric informed me. "No, it's working fine. Like I said, those are oxygen atoms." "Really? Then where's all the spinning light things that circle around them?" "The electrons are there, just too small to see, even with the microscope." I explained.

"You're right, this doesn't interest me at all. When are you gonna blow something up?" Eric said. "Rarely ever, even with my reputation of constantly doing crazy experiments like Mephesto, you know he rarely blows things up either." I said. "Then what the hell are you doing?" "I told you, I'm trying to see how close I can get to absolute zero!"

There was a knock on the door. "Hey, Stu." At least he had the decency to knock. "Did you hear? I reached absolute zero!" "Yeah right! You know it's impossible." "You can come over to my office and check if you don't believe me. Mephesto was so shocked that he was speachless. I just sat there listening to silence on the other end of the phone." "Why would you waste Mephesto's time with your stupid lies? You know he's sick you could've-Oh shit! He didn't say anything? Dude, he might've died when you were on the phone with him!" "Yeah, died of shock!" "Not funny!"

Don came into the room, "There you are, Stu. I was looking over your math, and you made a really stupid mistake with your decimals. You didn't reach absolute zero, you reached negative twenty seven point three degrees Celsius...Hey, Kyle...Officer, gotta go." "Bye, Don. And Stu, go back to third grade math." He flipped me off as he left.

"You see, he respects my authoritah, he called me Officer." Eric said. "It's because you're in your uniform, dumb ass." I said as I turned off the incubator. I didn't feel like this experiment now that Don proved Stu wrong.

"I just have to make a quick call to Mephesto to make sure he's OK, and then I'll blow something up for you." I said. "Now that's more like it." I got his voicemail. Not like him to not pick up. Something must be wrong. I left a message, "Hi, I heard you were sick. Let me know if I can do anything. Call me back." Nothing else I could do.

I turned back to Eric, "All right, let's blow some shit up!" "Kick ass!" He cried. And then I wowed him by mixing different chemicals and watching them explode."Whoa, that was so cool!" I nodded.

"Well, I'd better get back to something serious, or else I might get fired and I'd be wasting Mephesto's money." "You don't think he's...dead? Because you know he didn't pick up the phone and-" "Don't talk like that, Eric, I'm sure he's fine." But deep down I didn't think so.

* * *

"You, OK, Eric, you've been kinda quiet." I said. When we were in bed, he was either kissing and fucking me away, or telling me or arguing away with me...Nothing in between. So his silence scared me.

"You know, I've been thnking, Kahl." he said. "Well, that's a first, fat ass." I laughed. "Exactly. You're so much smarter than me." This was the first he admitted to it, but we both knew it was true (or at least I did) "Yeah...so? It doesn't matter." I said. "Doesn't it bother you?" I shook my head, "Does it bother you?" "Yes-I mean no."

"Look, it's fine. I really don't mind being the smart one. And you shouldn't mind being..." Shit. "Being..." I searched for the word. "That's what I thought." Eric sighed. "No, no, I didn't-" "Forget it, Kahl. You don't have to remind me that I'm nothing." "You aren't nothing! If you were nothing, then I wouldn't be here with you. I'm not in love with a no one, I'm in love with you. You might not be perfect, but believe me, there's some things you do a lot better than me." I assured him.

"Like what?" Eric asked. "Well, we both know I can't cook. And I've never shot a gun before." "Really?" "Nope, never. Another reason I like you...protection, you've saved my life more than I can count." I pointed out. "You're right. I should really teach you how to defend yourself." "Who needs self defense when they have thier own bodyguard?"

The next thing I know, we're kissing. I pulled away, "You know I've never been on top before either." "With me or in general?" Eric asked. "I haven't been with anyone but you." I laughed. "Hard to believe, you're so fucking irresistible." "You've never been with anyone else either." I said. "Nah, there's just one person for me." We went back to kissing.

Eric slipped a condom into my hand. "Don't tell anyone I let you do this." I gave him a questioning look. "You can go on top tonight." Role reversal? Well this would be fun...for me. I smiled, "Thanks, but trust me, you'll be better on top." "Is that a no?" "NO! I'm just giving a warning. This is my first time, remember." "Don't worry, I trust you, it'll be fine lI can take a lot more than you think I can." "I know." I kissed his cheek. Hopefully my baby wouldn't ever feel worthless again.

Role Reversal (Cartman)

There was absolutely no crime today. Which I guess is a good thing, but considering I was stuck at the station watching Family Guy, it wasn't. So I decided to check up on Kyle. He wouldn't mind a quick visit.

"'Sup, Jew?" "Ever hear of knocking , fat ass?" I shrugged, "The sign says Cartman." He hated that sign, and that's exactly why I put it up. "Kyle Cartman, not Eric Cartman." "Whatever you're still a part of me." No escaping that, even if he left me.

"Things were pretty slow down at the station, so I wanted to see what you were up to." I said. "Well, I'm trying to see how close this isotope can get to absolute zero." Kyle explained. What the hell was an isotope? Wait a minute..."Isn't that the 9-11 site thing?" I asked. "No, not ground zero, dumbass, absolute zero." "Same thing, isn't it?"

"No! You know, I'm surprised you graduated highschool." Kyle shouted. Come on I wasn't _that _dumb."You know, Kahl, my job gives me enough authoritah to put you in jail for saying that." "Trust me, knowing you, a couple heads later, and I'll be home free." Ouch, that was true, but I had to come back. I was about to say something, but nothing came. "You win, Jew." "Glad to hear it." Kyle said and turned back to his ground zero shit.

I looked at the piece of the machinary on Kyle's desk, "So is this that high-tech magnifying glass thing that you've been talking about?" "I guess you can call it that, but it's actually a microscope." Kyle laughed. "I actually knew that." I couldn't let him win twice. "Of course you did." he said sarcastically. "Am I allowed to look through it?" I asked. "Sure. You won't really see much, probably just hints of oxygen atoms, nothing that'll really interest you." he replied.

"Well, you know I have to at least _pretend _to be interested in this shit to keep you happy." I said. "And you were doing such a great job until you just said that." Kyle said. "Aren't you happy?" I asked. "Yeah, I guess." "Then, I'm still doing a great job."

I took a look though microscope and blinked a couple times. "It's broken, all I see is a bunch of tiny dots." I informed him. "No, it's working fine. Like I said, those are oxygen atoms." "Really? Then where's all the spinning light things that circle around them?" "The electrons are there, just too small to see, even with the microscope." Kule explained.

"You're right, this doesn't interest me at all. When are you gonna blow something up?" I said. "Rarely ever, even with my reputation of constantly doing crazy experiments like Mephesto, you know he rarely blows things up either." he said. "Then what the hell are you doing?" "I told you, I'm trying to see how close I can get to absolute zero!"

Then some guy named Stu came in and started bragging about he reached absolute zero. In the meantime, I had no idea what the hell it was. The news might've shocked Mephesto so bad that he got a heart attack, let's hope they were joking (although Kyle sounded pretty seriously).

Someone else came into the room. "There you are, Stu. I was looking over your math, and you made a really stupid mistake with your decimals. You didn't reach absolute zero, you reached negative twenty seven point three degrees Celsius...Hey, Kyle...Officer, gotta go." "Bye, Don. And Stu, go back to third grade math." Kyle called as they left. I thought I saw Stu flip him off. But making a decimal mistake wasn't really a big deal. I probably wouldn't be able to do it without a calculator.

Then my mind went back to the other dude...Don, "You see, he respects my authoritah, he called me Officer." I said. "It's because you're in your uniform, dumb ass." Kyle said.

He turned back to the absolute ground zero thing, but then back to me and said, "I just have to make a quick call to Mephesto to make sure he's OK, and then I'll blow something up for you." "Now that's more like it." I said. I assumed he got Mephesto's voicemail because it sounded like he was leaving a message. I was worried, maybe he and Stu were right about him dying.

Kyle turned back to me, "All right, let's blow some shit up!" "Kick ass!" I cried. I don't know how, but he got my complete attention as the liquids exploded out of their containers and then becoming smoke before anything could hit the ground. How fucking awesome! "Whoa, that was so cool!" I cried when it was over. Kyle nodded.

"Well, I'd better get back to something serious, or else I might get fired and I'd be wasting Mephesto's money." Kyle siad. "You don't think he's...dead? Because you know he didn't pick up the phone and-" I said, but he cut me off- "Don't talk like that, Eric, I'm sure he's fine." I didn't think he was, but kept my mouth shut to keep Kyle happy.

* * *

I couldn't get over watching Kyle work. He was so fucking smart, blowing shit up, showing Stu off, talking about scientific stuff I didn't know about. Too smart. It bothered me. What if he didn't like my stupidity.

"You OK, Eric, you've been kinda quiet?" Kyle asked. Might as well be honest. "You know, I've been thnking, Kahl." "Well, that's a first, fat ass." he laughed. "Exactly. You're so much smarter than me." He seemed taken aback by this,"Yeah...so? It doesn't matter." "Doesn't it bother you?" I asked. He shook my head, "Does it bother you?" "Yes-I mean no." Damn it, I was so stupid!

"Look, it's fine. I really don't mind being the smart one. And you shouldn't mind being..." There was an awkward pause, "Being..." Kyle couldn't finish. "That's what I thought." I sighed. "No, no, I didn't-" "Forget it, Kahl. You don't have to remind me that I'm nothing." "You aren't nothing! If you were nothing, then I wouldn't be here with you. I'm not in love with a no one, I'm in love with you. You might not be perfect, but believe me, there's some things you do a lot better than me." He assured me.

This left me skeptical. "Like what?" I asked. "Well, we both know I can't cook. And I've never shot a gun before." "Really?" "Nope, never. Another reason I like you...protection, you've saved my life more than I can count." Kyle pointed out. "You're right. I should really teach you how to defend yourself." "Who needs self defense when they have thier own bodyguard?"

I leaned in and kissed him, but it got a lot deeper as he kissed back. Kyle pulled away, "You know I've never been on top before either." "With me or in general?" I asked. "I haven't been with anyone but you." he laughed. "Hard to believe, you're so fucking irresistible." "You've never been with anyone else either." he said. "Nah, there's just one person for me." We went back to kissing.

My self pitty thoughts melted away. Kyle was so good at that...making me feel better. I should really do something for him. Something special...Oh God, I was gonna regret this, but I gave him the condom anyway. "Don't tell anyone I let you do this." I said. Kyle gave me a puzzled look. "You can go on top tonight." He smiled, "Thanks, but trust me, you'll be better on top." "Is that a no?" A last minute escape. "NO! I'm just giving a warning. This is my first time, remember." Or not. "Don't worry, I trust you, it'll be fine I can take a lot more than you think I can." "I know." Kyle said and he kissed my cheek.


	10. Birth and Death

**This is the last chapter. Thank you for reviewing, and taking your time to read this. I know my order is weird, but Not Me is supposed to be a sequel, and Ginger a prequel. So you should check those out. **

Birth and Death (Kyle)

I was about halfway through my fruit loop bowl when Eric joined me in the kitchen. "Morning, sleepy head." I said. He nodded as he went to the oven. "Up for bacon?" "Turkey bacon." I said. "Yes, I know your stupid kosher tendencies." "It's way too early in the morning to listen to you rip on my culture." "Do you want the bacon or not?" I nodded.

Everything seemed to be back to normal, but I had to ask. "Honey, about last night-" "It never happened. Got it?" Eric said. "Was I really _that_ bad?" "No, you were pretty good, it's just that...I'm the seme and your my bitch." "I am _not _your bitch!" I shot back. "OK, would you perfer being called my wife?" "No! I just want a little respect is all." "Respect my ass, Kahl, we both know _I'm_ the one with the authoritah that should be respected." Eric said as he put bacon on my plate.

A strange noise made us both jump. "I think it came from our room." I said and went to check it out. Storm started to bark. "Shit!" I cried as I saw Ginger on her side. "What's wrong with the cat? Eat too many red things?" Eric said. "I don't know, but I have the vet's number."

"Hold on, what's that?" He gestured to the small animal Ginger was pushing out of herself. "Ohmygod! Dude, she's having kittens...Or puppies?" I picked up the tiny creature (no smaller than my palm). No doubt, it wasn't a full kitten, but it wasn't a full puppy either. "She and Storm must've hit it off." Eric laughed as he picked up the next half dog half cat the came out of Ginger. There ended up being a total of five.

"Wow." I said. "Yeah, that's the closest we'll get to having kids." Eric randomly stated. "Adoption's always an option in the future, but that's not important right now. What are we gonna do with them?"

"We can sell them on eBay, a hundred bucks a pup...kit...Whatever you wanna call them!" "You're joking, right." "Well, I don't know whether to call them puppies or kittens." "No about the eBay thing." "No, why not? You can sell pretty much anything on eBay these days." The next thing I know Eric has his laptop out and is auctioning them off on eBay. "See, somebody already bought one of them. He'll be over here in the afternoon to pick it up."

"Before work, I'm gonna drop Ginger and Storm off at the vet's to gt them spayed and neutered." I said. Eric nodded. But before I could get dressed, there was a knock at the door. "What now." I said as I headed for the door.

It was a man in a black suit. "Kyle Brovfloski?" "Yeah that's me." An immature part of me wanted to rub him not calling me Kyle Cartman into Eric, but I stayed quiet. "I'm Dr. Mephesto's attorney. I'm sorry to say he passed away." "WHAT?" "Yes, I'm afraid this is true. But he did leave you things in his will. I'll leave the document here, and trust that you can read it when you've collected yourself." He said and left.

I ran back to my room and cried until my eyes started to burn. After what seemed like hours Eric came in. "I was reading through the will." he stated, "Mephesto left you his lab and all his equipment and research. I think he wants you to take his place." "I can never do that. No one can." I replied. He handed me a tissue, "How about _I_ drop Ginger and Storm off, and you stay home until you feel better. Call me if you need anything." "OK, thanks, Eric." He gently kissed my forehead. "Love you, Kahl." "I love you more." I whispered back. And that was all that truly mattered in the end.

Birth and Death (Cartman)

"Morning, sleepy head." Kyle greeted me. I nodded in his direction and went for the oven. "Up for bacon?" I siad. "Turkey bacon." "Yes, I know your stupid kosher tendencies." "It's way too early in the morning to listen to you rip on my culture." "Do you want the bacon or not?" He nodded.

I could tell something was on Kyle's mind. I kept quiet, and sure enough he said, "Honey, about last night-" Oh, _that, _I cut him off, "It never happened. Got it?" "Was I really _that_ bad?" "No, you were pretty good, it's just that...I'm the seme and your my bitch." "I am _not _your bitch!" he shot back. "OK, would you perfer being called my wife?" I laughed. "No! I just want a little respect is all." "Respect my ass, Kahl, we both know _I'm_ the one with the authoritah that should be respected." I said as I placed the bacon on his plate.

A strange noise made us both jump. "I think it came from our room." Kyle said and went to check it out. I followed. Storm started to bark. "Shit!" Kyle cried. Ginger was on her side. "What's wrong with the cat? Eat too many red things?" I said. "I don't know, but I have the vet's number." Kyle replied.

Then the weirdest thing happened, a small doggish cat thing poked its head out of Ginger's vagina. Holy shit, she was pegnant! "She and Storm must've hit it off." I laughed as I picked up the third puppy kitten thing that came out of Ginger. There were five of them. How sick was that!

"Wow." Kyle said. "Yeah, that's the closest we'll get to having kids." I said. "Adoption's always an option in the future, but that's not important right now. What are we gonna do with them?" Wait, adoption? Had the Jew gone mad? Whatever, now I had to deal with the puppies or kitties or whatever the hell they were. Luckily (being the smart ass I was), I had a plan.

"We can sell them on eBay, a hundred bucks a pup...kit...Whatever you wanna call them!" I said. "You're joking, right." Kyle said. "Well, I don't know whether to call them puppies or kittens." "No about the eBay thing." "No, why not? You can sell pretty much anything on eBay these days." I took out my laptop and started auctioning them off. Sure enough somebody bought.

Kyle said something about getting Ginger and Storm neutered and spayed before going to work, so I just nodded, busy on trying to get Ginger's babies out of my house.

What did get my attention was a man at the door claiming to be Mephesto's lawyer. Apparently I was right and he had died and left stuff for Kyle in his will. My devistated lover ran to our room crying as I took a look at the will. No money, but he did leave his lab and equipment and research to him. He said the Kyle was the only one he would trust to continue his work, for he is the smartest kid in South Park. Had to agree with that.

I grabbed a couple tissues and went to see him. "I was reading through the will." I stated, "Mephesto left you his lab and all his equipment and research. I think he wants you to take his place." "I can never do that. No one can." Kyle replied. I handed him a I hatede seeing him like this. "How about _I_ drop Ginger and Storm off, and you stay home until you feel better. Call me if you need anything." I siad. "OK, thanks, Eric." I gently kissed his forehead. "Love you, Kahl." "I love you more." Kyle whispered back. Those words from him would never stop making my heart melt.

**The End! **

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